I just discovered an IT news article which discusses the influence of cloud computing on the industry. It said: “ICT professional becomes strategical weapon”. I told you girls it’s like serving in the military. lol.

Mweh…  *noms on carrot*…  How’s ya gonna do that if you can’t get em out of “implosion modus”, doc? Better yet, let’s strap this suicide vest on you before you go into the next meeting. There you go:) Don’t get lost in the cloud nao.

Same tuups that did “Jizz in my pants”.

Oops! Looks like Frank’s nibbling on the wires. Please try again in a few minutes. If you continue to get this error, let our Support team know. (Frank tells us the servers are delicious.)

Site mascottes are so cool. I need one! I randomly came across this one looking for animated cats:

I still like it! XD.

I used to make cockeyed http error pages, but I gave up because I have so many sites now. Then I saw this site that collects them! LMAO

:smile:

And the translation:

I could barely read but already it hit me
Everything these days is wrapped well
and hard to get open
Now I’m standing here at the sausage stand
sweating while I’m battling
with a small tube that contains mustard.
The package said:

You only have to pull the nipple through the loop
and turn the winder completely upwards
After that an arrow will appear
which you need to push
to get the tube open

I got really thirsty on the highway so I pulled over
there were only vending machines but I didn’t give a crap ["not give a sausage"]
I pushed two buttons and already I was soaking wet
Half from cola half beer from the barrel
A little red lamp showed up at the top of the machine and it said:

Human, you only have to pull the nipple through the loop
and turn the winder completely upwards
After that an arrow will appear
which you need to push
and then the coffee comes out

Once I needed to go to the hospital
My appendix needed to be removed
The anesthesia kind of failed
So I was scared
“Oh man, how do we get him open?”
so the chief surgeon asked
Ah, nothing more simple than that, I said

You only have to pull the nipple through the loop
and turn the winder completely upwards
After that an arrow will appear
which you need to push
to get the belly open

I had a girlfriend some time ago, I’m only a man
Unfortunately she wore a brah
which was really hard to get open
“Woman, how is this done?
I can’t figure it out”
She said, I’ll give you a little tip

You only have to pull the nipple through the loop
and turn the winder completely upwards
After that an arrow will appear
which you need to push
to get the thing open

I flew in one of these airplanes
and the engine failed
Luckily I had a parachute
so I was in luck with that whole ordeal
I was about to open it
Had the cord in my hand
until I read in horror

You only have to pull the nipple through the loop
and turn the winder completely upwards
After that an arrow will appear
which you need to push
I was almost there but crashed to the ground anyways.

That I didn’t survive,
should be obvious
Now I’m standing here in front of the gates of heaven
“Come on, let me in angels!”,
I yelled and cried loudly
and then I saw the golden sign on the gate.

You only have to pull the nipple through the loop
and turn the winder completely upwards
After that an arrow will appear
which you need to push
and heaven’s gate will open.

The song “goodmorning worries”

Below the cut for more videos and the translation:

Translation of the song:
(mind the Japanese folk in the audience)

What I would like to celebrate with you, has a very easy chorus. Please everyone, sing along.
I’ll play it first… It starts in G here, look at it, G… yes?

“Good morning, dear worries. Are you all here and accounted for?
Did you also sleep well? Then there’s nothing to worry about.”
Simple, isn’t it?
Now let’s see you do it.
[audience fail attempt]
Wow, I never heard that many people sing that softly. We’ll establish the weak point, so we’ll try the ladies first. Ladies?
[ladies sing]
That’s going down the drain, now let’s hear the gentlemen.
[men sing]
Okay, I think we’ve established the weak point.
Dear ladies, I’m counting on you.
“Good morning, dear worries. Are you all … HEY!”
Well, then I’ll just do it on my own.
We swing our left leg, nimbly from our beds.
It gives us just enough movement to go into the bathroom, right to the toilet.
And when we’ve reached it, we’ll also stay there: “Oh, damnit, where’s the paper.
“Good morning, dear worries. Are you all here and accounted for?
Did you also sleep well? Then there’s nothing to worry about.”
The Japanese guests are the ones that are trying the hardest, I can tell.
“When a day starts as beautiful as this, everything is gone [will go wrong]. The shower remains cold today because the boiler is broken.
We slip on our flippers and burned ourselves. Note: I’m sorry, I have no idea what steiss is.
As a crowning event our morning coffee tastes a little bit like sweat.
They stole the morning paper, but who cares, they only write crap.
A letter on the table, for me? Aha, the wife is gone: with my car, my dog, who is called ‘Love’, my porn collection she also has, opportunity makes thieves.
Good morning, dear worries. Are you all here and accounted for?
Did you also sleep well? Then there’s nothing to worry about.
I drank, I get into the car and push the gas. Duck hunting is much more fun when you’re wasted.
‘Why did the guy in front of me just brake really hard?’ so I thought, but then it was night.
I awakened in front of my bed, and there is an old guy standing there.. he says:
‘You had an accident’, while having a stupid grin on his face.
I said ‘Why do I still have the steering wheel in my hands?’ He says:
‘Uh un, this is called a harp in Angel jargon.’
Good morning, dear worries. Are you all here and accounted for?
Did you also sleep well? Then there’s nothing to worry about.”

The five stages of alcohol:

Supermarkt (Adventures in the supermarket)
The differences between men and women communicating [Part 1].
The differences between men and women communicating [Part 2]

:smile:

It’s even in the most well known Dutch dictionary.

:smile:

Yamapi is not the hottest man in the world, and I say this as a die-hard Yamashita fan (that indeed drools when he comes on).

I can name you several things “I don’t like” about his body. Here they come.

• The imminent lack of shoulders. On the other hand I always say I need a man like that to procreate. So I won’t rip from ear to ear after nine months. It’s like his jackets are not on him but still on the clothing hook.
• 174,5 centimeters, a munchkin, in a basketball drama.  To be honest, I thought he was 1.76, but as the magazines progressed the guy got shorter every time.
• Spock ears. Which is why they don’t let him shave his head XD. This bald noggin’ would reveal elvish ears Lord Elrond would be jealous of. However, I find it an awesome activity to spot them and yell “Beam me up, scotty!”.
• Yamat00th, though it seems he fixed that. I always thought that thing is hilarious. Why not watch Hoshi wo Mezashite together with the wife, try not to piss your pants. Again, thought it made him look at least a little human. The best time someone commented on that was in a community “Look at that, is that a piece of gum?”.
• Have you seen his toes? Belongs at the carnival in the exhibit section next to the bearded lady (that would be me, just kidding!). I never knew people had smaller big toes than the rest of the toes. Ha?! This is unnatural. I know not people with that kind of funky toes until P-cup.
• P-cup, p-cup, but a pretty straight figure. Best type of figure a man can have is thinning towards the waist. Yamab00bies is straight like a board. Yes, those are some nicu oppai but without shoulders no thinning towards the waist. We’d get perfect babies with oversized boobs.

Body Likes!

• Big eyes.
• HOOTERS. JUGS. TITS. *coughs*
• His skin is just unbelievably perfect, isn’t it?
• Lips, pufferfish.
• His forehead. It’s like women’s ankles in the 19th century. You rarely see it, and when you do *spazz*

Mannerisms, less attractive:

• The slur speech impairment, aka slurpy-kun. I actually meant to edit all those together so it will become obvious. Which, unfortunately for Yamashita, I will at some point because I think it’s hilarious. He does it less now, but while pausing a sentence he would often saliva slurp back on himself. If my friends were over and we were watching something where he’d do that we’d all go “slrrrrrp” synchronously. Gaijin notice this better because, at the beginning, we no comprende at all.
• Quack quack quack. If it walks like a duck, talks like one, what is it? A Duck. Don’t know what that means? Check this out. Or just watch a random episode of code blue. The man can literally walk like a duck. Feel like being able to slap him on the butt sometime and say “QUACK”. If you know my character, it’s probably best if we never meet.

Mannerisms, attractive:

• The adorkable fishface.
• The way he’s sometimes just spacing out.
• Sloppy dance moves. I don’t care, I like them.
• The surprised/embarrassed laugh: you know, it’s so obvious that last very nasal sigh “Huuuuuuuuuuuuuu”.
• The dork laugh and the way he holds his own tits while doing that.

Personality, less attractive:

• So Mr. 120 IQ man ain’t a genius. But just to illustrate he isn’t a complete baka, he left the exact figure for us to poke fun at once in a while. In short: any mentioned number would have been made into a pun by me, but that’s besides that point. The point is I like teasing.
• Here’s a collection of some of the baka things he has said. I know it’s an exaggeration, and I know he knows he sometimes regrets what leaves his mouth. Maybe some fangirls still hate me for that one, on the other hand due to my job I know what it’s like to have your every word examined.
• He should try harder to think big. He thinks he thinks big, but he doesn’t. He thinks inside his own box. To some degree we all do, though, when it starts to annoy me it’s obviously too subjective to be of personal satisfaction (because the last it is). My response is usually: “Wtf…. no it’s not that simple”.
• He should be able to understand career women (because rlly dancing and singing little boys are GHEI). So it’s beyond me he can still insult a group of customers that get shit from everybody, including a paycheck that isn’t up to date. Just occasionally he notices and has a sense of humour about it, though a subjective one. Perhaps this is a Japanese thing I don’t know, but guess what, I also don’t give a flying crap which hole you crawled out from. On the other hand, I always said please do this overt, makes it easier to aim correctly (for the nuts). I’d rather have that than some pathetic little man sawing at the bottom of my chair. In that sense, I’d love to have a Japanese man in general.
• Some things he’s told us about himself: the inability to apologize or finding it hard to show weakness. I do believe he came back from that one though and has somewhat grown out of it. Some things he identified as being weak are actually the epiphany of strength to me. Thought that was a turnoff.

Personality, attractive:

• Optimism
• Willpower
• Energy
• Ambition
• Sentimental about silly or strange things at random moments.

In the end, you don’t need to be perfect for someone to find you ‘out of this world’, that goes for mortals too.

Even the less attractive things are mostly attractive to me (except a few on personality…). And yea yea, I must be one of the less ego charming fans of Yamashita, but it’s also easily recognizable I’m just as much an addict and have love for the guy.
Someone has to keep it real, right? In the end, if I were him, I wouldn’t really like serious asskissers all day. And if I were a man seeing gureen from the scureen: come on’ he ain’t worth it, go take the wife out to dinner or something. ^o^

Courtesy of my Belgian friend.

I was inspired by this post.

Spoken by a true genius.

:smile:

There’s only 1 word to describe this: sad.
After all I’ve been through, I’m not even that sad. So sad… lol.

Isn’t that complicated, just become an oil rigger or an IT geek. Just like I can decide to be a hairdresser.

Does it make sense now?

Winner’s club, but finishing last.

Yeah when are we going to hear that joke?

… I say nothing, it speaks for itself.

Mind the eyebrow then.

I don’t believe for one minute he was surfing the web til 6 am in the morning ‘looking up artists’.  On the other hand, maybe he spent the night googling himself. Sometimes seems like the type for it.

Oh god help me on the day I get 2nd line support calls from guys like this.

Well, at least he doesn’t lie!

HAHAHA.

Isn’t really keeping to his own motto, is he? XD.

Fandom [not-so] secret: I seriously hate how he’s like this sometimes. I don’t mind my idols being a bit cocky. But uninformed, self justified and proud of it? For me it becomes rather insulting to come out as a Yamashita fan. *bow* I’m rather self justified as well, but I do hope to give myself more thought than this. On the other hand, where would the fun be if I’d only squee on my blog how great he is, how good he looks and how he works so hard. Hmm. I’m sorry, but I will continue to only give praise where praise is due.

1. What do you think you’re going to die of?

I’ve narrowed it down to three choices:
- The cancer is going to eat me.
- Old age.
- Choking to death on my fake teeth from laughing at my own jokes.

2. When do you think you’re going to die?

Right now? Around 60.
If something changes, maybe I live longer.

3. Ever contemplated suicide?

No, but does contemplating other people’s suicide count?

4. Do you know what your insurance covers when you die?

Yes, as a matter of fact I managed to lower the premium paid for it by striking a few things off. What? You’re DEAD, it’s not like you’re going to live to see it. Besides, if I can’t have my own pyramid to be burried in and my brain extracted through my nose I really don’t see the use of any puha.

5. Have you written a last will and testament?

Nope.

6. What’s in it? Or what would you write in it?

I’m not sure whom to insult yet.

7. Burial or cremation and why that choice?

Cremation. Simply because I don’t want to be maggot food. I don’t want my corpse to sit there and get eaten by maggots. That’s disgusting.

8. If burried: do you want to take something with you in your coffin?
If cremated: any special place for your ashes?

I’m not sure, but I don’t want it scattered around someplace. I would like me an Urn with a funny text on it. Something like “Return to sender, signature required“. A black one, with flames painted on it. lol. I’m not sure whose mantle piece I’d like to be on… If I outlive my friends and parents I would like to be sold on Ebay for a charity I don’t find ridiculous. That, or just give me to someone that thinks I was hilarious.

9. Any music played at your funeral?

Well there isn’t going to be a funeral for me. Though it’s the only thing I would rather not withhold those left behind lol.

10. Will there be many guests at your funeral?

I don’t think so, but I really don’t want a funeral. Life is sad and I don’t want to round it up by having crying people all over the place.

Also: there’s a lot of people that would not be invited to my funeral. Someone dies and all of sudden all these people go to their funeral asif they liked the deceased so much. If you’re not on the guest list, stay the hell away. If I did want to have a funeral, it would cost me extra for a bouncer to take care of these chums.

11. Any other special wishes?

Yes, I’m a hopeless romantic. If I ever do hitch up and my husband dies after me: cremate him and put his ashes in the same Urn. Probably a person whose cooties I don’t mind sharing.

12. What would you like to be remembered for?

It’ll be on the Urn.

Let’s see if I can come up with a metaphor for this one. You’re having a company over to renew your kitchen. Company does the work, kitchen is finished to your satisfaction. You’re asked to sign a document that says “we’ve built that kitchen for you, sign here to agree it’s delivered properly and to receive your warranty.” You say: “I’m sorry, will not sign it because I did not expect to sign this when we agreed you’d come remodel my kitchen. And by the way, I have never signed a document like this in my life ever before.” “Is there anything wrong with the document, sir?” “…. No.”

Umm, why don’t you just tell the man your wife needs to agree it’s delivered properly? Behold kids, the difference in approach between men and women. lol. When in doubt, you’re still the man in the house even when it makes you look like a giant retard. Good luck ironing out your face when he pulls off a “I am the master of the universe that is my own asshole“. I can’t do it! LOL.

I think this secret code males speak in, actually works among themselves a lot of the time. I can just see it right now, the kitchen guy going: “owww…. uh huh. So when would be a good time to come back?” Of course, this only will remain civilised if the kitchen man pretends the guy just gave him a perfectly rational and logical answer. He may risk war otherwise.

In the meantime the Mrs came home and now she’s hiding behind the door trying to keep her face straight. After a few seconds she realizes it’s best to just go upstairs and pretend she didn’t hear any of it until the kitchen man leaves so her hubby has a few shreds of his own dignity left.

Another thing made me cry and laugh at the same time today. “When I do -this- on my computer, an error appears. Is this some kind of a new problem?”. You said it, pall. You’re the one using that application day in, day out. I would be really suprised if I were able to see if it’s new for you when I’m using my crystal ball.

Please click the read more link to find out….

True Story! ♥

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…I really do get spam mails like this!

Today I got another e-mail of one of our senior citizens. They asked if I could send them coins for supermarket carts and/or pens with advertizing on them, because they’re collecting that. WHAT THE HELL? Did some company buy a similar domain of some sort? I’m getting e-mails by fellow Dutch peoples that should be disconnected. It’s like an e-mail that almost resembles spam. IP 77.250.34.113. I did a little research, somehow this one seems really random. I found multiple local sites they left the same message on (like guest books). I don’t think it’s a machine posting these messages. Wtf. Either it is a machine or that is really a senior citizen. E-mail didn’t contain any attachments, but it did contain an address. I just looked at google maps and it is an existing address in the Netherlands. rofl lol.

If you’re going to send me something, send me the user/password for your bank account. Get off the intarweb,  you peoples are worse than spam! At least the spam I get still makes me laugh.

YEAH! One mailing list I’d rather not get unsubscribed from. lol.