I honestly don’t understand why this meme sparked such funny answers with me. Um. Obviously my second career choice should be ‘standup comedian’.

1. What do you think you’re going to die of?

I’ve narrowed it down to three choices:
- The cancer is going to eat me.
- Old age.
- Choking to death on my fake teeth from laughing at my own jokes.

2. When do you think you’re going to die?

Right now? Around 60.
If something changes, maybe I live longer.

3. Ever contemplated suicide?

No, but does contemplating other people’s suicide count?

4. Do you know what your insurance covers when you die?

Yes, as a matter of fact I managed to lower the premium paid for it by striking a few things off. What? You’re DEAD, it’s not like you’re going to live to see it. Besides, if I can’t have my own pyramid to be burried in and my brain extracted through my nose I really don’t see the use of any puha.

5. Have you written a last will and testament?

Nope.

6. What’s in it? Or what would you write in it?

I’m not sure whom to insult yet.

7. Burial or cremation and why that choice?

Cremation. Simply because I don’t want to be maggot food. I don’t want my corpse to sit there and get eaten by maggots. That’s disgusting.

8. If burried: do you want to take something with you in your coffin?
If cremated: any special place for your ashes?

I’m not sure, but I don’t want it scattered around someplace. I would like me an Urn with a funny text on it. Something like “Return to sender, signature required“. A black one, with flames painted on it. lol. I’m not sure whose mantle piece I’d like to be on… If I outlive my friends and parents I would like to be sold on Ebay for a charity I don’t find ridiculous. That, or just give me to someone that thinks I was hilarious.

9. Any music played at your funeral?

Well there isn’t going to be a funeral for me. Though it’s the only thing I would rather not withhold those left behind lol.

10. Will there be many guests at your funeral?

I don’t think so, but I really don’t want a funeral. Life is sad and I don’t want to round it up by having crying people all over the place.

Also: there’s a lot of people that would not be invited to my funeral. Someone dies and all of sudden all these people go to their funeral asif they liked the deceased so much. If you’re not on the guest list, stay the hell away. If I did want to have a funeral, it would cost me extra for a bouncer to take care of these chums.

11. Any other special wishes?

Yes, I’m a hopeless romantic. If I ever do hitch up and my husband dies after me: cremate him and put his ashes in the same Urn. Probably a person whose cooties I don’t mind sharing.

12. What would you like to be remembered for?

It’ll be on the Urn.